


youre my home

by nycthemeron



Series: pastimes of a lonely human and friendly dryad [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Death, Death from Old Age, Elemental Magic, Emotional Hurt, Fae & Fairies, Fae Magic, Fae Ryan Bergara, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Human Shane Madej, M/M, Magic, Men Crying, Nature, Nature Magic, Old Age, Ryan Bergara Needs a Hug, Stars, Supernatural Ryan Bergara, Technically suicide, Wakes & Funerals, as above so below - Freeform, dryad ryan bergara, faerie lore, graveyards, i cried several times while writing so i hope you do too, its just all angst lol, lapslock, not a demon tho lol, ryan turns into a tree for shane basically, this is part of a series so, ur gonna hate me for writing this, yes again because how can i not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 20:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19184980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nycthemeron/pseuds/nycthemeron
Summary: ryan looks into shanes eyes. and he tears up at everything he sees in them. shane is fascinated by life and grateul for his own, the wonder that keeps them shining, the reluctance to leave behind such a wonderful world.as well as the acceptance of knowing his time on this earth has come to an end.





	youre my home

**Author's Note:**

> this is the second addition to a series this fic is a part of!! you dont necessarily need to read the previous one to understand this, but its still a good read and i would appreciate it.
> 
> the song i listened to while writing this is "you" by keaton henson
> 
> i am so sorry in advance, but trust me i cried while writing this, my heart hurts, by i needed to write this and just get it out. 
> 
> please enjoy.

ryan stands, leaning against a tree, arms crossed. he feels the burning sensation in his eyes, watches the world begin to flow and turn and blur. the carved stones regress into the rocks they were, the grass and dirt beneath his feet becomes a littered mudslide. those who look like ants, standing in all black around a hole in the ground, damp soil fly from their hands into that wound in the earth.

 

“ _hey, big guy"_

  
_shane winks his eyes open, knowing that voice like no other. the beeping next to him suddenly is not as foreboding._

  
_"hey, ryan. you havent changed a bit."_

_he looks to his left, and there he is, sitting in that old, dingy chair, smiling at him like they have all the time in the world. and maybe they used to, back in the day._

_"whatcha been up to?" ryan asks, and shane finds comfort in his ageless grin._

_"oh you know, nothing much," shane says, voice croaking and gravelly, "waiting on time."_

_ryan looks at shane, really looks at him. he hasnt gone bald, but theres a patch of skin on the crown of his head, and the hair sits round it like a fading halo. sun spots have long since formed on the thinned skin of his arms and face, and he sees the veins keeping him alive. thick lens glasses sit upon the bride of his nose._

_ryan looks into shanes eyes. and he tears up at everything he sees in them. shane is fascinated by life and grateul for his own, the wonder that keeps them shining, the reluctance to leave behind such a wonderful world._

_as well as the acceptance of knowing his time on this earth has come to an end._

_"i, uh," ryan stands up, holds out an envelope he had brought, "i wrote this for you. you know im not great at talking sometimes so..."_

_"i know," shane says, reaches outwards and delicately grasps the paper._

_he does not open it immediately, holds it in both hands on his lap. ryan knows he wants to say something._

_"theres a notebook for you back home, a letter at the end," shane says, eyes downcast, "i started writing in it not long after i met you. its a journal of all our advetures and the stupid shit we did. last time i wrote in was the night before i came to the hospital."_

_shane looks up at him then, speaking directly, calm, "im not going to wake up tomorrow, ry. you could probably already tell. so i want you to go home, read that notebook. its in the bottom shelf of my desk. in it is my dying wish."_

 

ryan reaches into his coat pocket, retrieves the folded piece of paper. his breathing is becoming more sporadic and shaky. he looks at his hands, holding the delicate parchment, curses them internally, wishing he had wrinkles and poor eyesight and a bad back.

  
_he unfolds the paper carefully, and it shudders despite there being no wind._

_hey ryan,_

_you reading this means time finally caught up with me. the sun has set on the horizon for me, and like you said, ive returned to the stars._

_im writing this to tell you i love you, and that im so grateful i took a depression walk that night. i think that if you hadnt shown yourself to me, i would have died a lot sooner._

_i am grateful that you kept me company throughout my life, and even if i did complain time to time about you not aging like me, i know it wasnt easy to watch me fade away. i will be thankful, even in death, that you stayed by the side of a little lonely human like me._

_you have been my best friend since the day i met you, and you will be even in my last moment on earth. you were there when no one else was, you coudnt count the number of times you saved my life unintentionally, and most importantly you were my partner in crime._

_and if theres anything i could ask of you, anything at all, it is that you plant a tree over my grave. one that faeries of any kind may make a home in. this is how i wish to show gratitude. i want to be their home, like you were mine._

_i love you, ryan._

_\- shane_

 

ryan stands on both his feet, no longer leaning against the tree after re-reading the note so many times. the people have gone now, left their footprints around shanes grave.

he stands in front of it, staring at the headstone, fully aware that his body lies six feet beneath his feet.

"i know this isnt exactly what you wanted," ryan says, his voice warbly and broken, "but i cant think of a world without you."

ryan takes a large step forward, now standing directly over him. he crouches down and digs his hands into the freshly dug soil.

"as above," ryan closes his eyes, "so below."

roots shoot from the soles of his feet, and he can feel when they pierce through the would of the coffin and destroy it. these roots cannot be uprooted, not by any human, and not by any fae without tremendous effort.

he stands and reaches up to the sky, and branches begin to sprout from his fingertips and palms.

"i know you said i was your home," ryan says, anxiety and sadness plain, "but youre my home too."

he closes his eyes and looks straight ahead, and soon the rest of his body straightens and stiffens, his clothes turn to dust, and the creaking begins.

and then halts.

 

  _once shane has felt that ryan had finally left, after much discussion no less, he opens the letter. he smiles and laughs, and begins to weep._

 

 _"_ _If you must fight_

_Fight with yourself and your thoughts in the night_

_If you must work_

_Work to leave some part of you on this earth_

_If you must live, darling one_

_Just live_

 

_If you must wait_

_Wait for them here in my arms as I shake_

_If you must weep_

_Do it right here in my bed as I sleep_

_If you must mourn, my love_

_Mourn with the moon and the stars up above_

_If you must mourn_

_Don't do it alone_

_If you must leave_

_Leave as though fire burns under your feet_

_If you must speak_

_Speak every word as though it were unique_

_If you must die, sweetheart_

_Die knowing your life was my life's best part_

_If you must die_

_Remember your life_

 

_You are"_

 

and if you may happen to stumble upon a weeping willow in a graveyard, one that towers above, one whose leaves are too similar to tears, one that groans with the earth and sings with the wind. if you happen to stumble upon a weeping willow like that, and if you sit at the grave that the tree protects, you may hear the whispers of a man who lived long and loved great.

 

**Author's Note:**

> the letter from ryan consists entirely of the lyrics from the song i mentioned before, but some lyrics have been cut and others have been moved to make the letter more meaningful. 
> 
> i hope this wasnt too much. and this doesnt mean im not going to write this series. in fact i plan on basing the future works on the things shane wrote in his notebook. 
> 
> please let me know your thoughts.
> 
> with love-


End file.
